I had a stag beetle come up to me the other day and ask me for a ladder.
I Have These Crazy Dreams Where Everything Becomes So OverWhelMing. It starts off with just a simple room im in…. (picture a piece of graphing paper but a big large room.) then suddenly behind me a HUGE structure, usually a tower or a single-coloured block appears behind me. Then my brain adjusts to the scale of how massive it is in front of me alone and I start to
panic panic panic
THEN as if everything with the first shape wasnt enough a much larger shape or structure is found behind me again, this time making the first original structure somewhat obsolete to my horror. this cycle continues until i am just a speck and the shapes are the sizes of suns. sometimes everything explodes. sometimes i get crushed by a tower. most of the time i just wake up sweating.
The other day a stage beetle came up to me and said “do you have a ladder”
I want to own those blocks and towers and keep them in my mind because they remind me that i am not allowed to escape.
When i am awake there is little need for shapes, much is overwhelming.
Work and school are hard yes but they arent sufferable the way most of my whelming stuff goes. These are tasks if anything. and they are of the same line that a math problem is. “essay due” “do essay” “essay done!” wow. what could be overwhelming about that? I want to worry about stuff that I deeply care about. My life my love my people my colour. I am so overwhelmed when I am not there. i am so overwhelmed when I walk everywhere and there is no colour to be found. I want to be calm and notice everything. I want to be everywhere extinguishing fires and i want to close the sky so the earth can warm my folk. and in the best most honest way, I want to suffer and i want to suffer and i want to suffer. Because if I suffer then I can keep going. so when i wake up i will happily suffer and when i go to sleep i will happily suffer as well. I yearn for the day i can be everywhere for everything but taht is always impossible. I cant skip the hard parts but i can ignore the good ones. I wont quit my day job.
and i said “they dont make ladders for beetles…”
