Category: Uncategorised
For my last inquiry post I have decided to share some of the journaling I’ve done, most within our class but some i have included from earlier in the year
If anything is a direct portal into my mind it would be my journalwork! Enjoy some of my more vulnerable work!
This is my first attempt with drawing bugs. As you can see above I’ve named this “Bugs 1” to assume that there will be a sequel. This project I wanted to try my hand at sketching things from memory, this will become a motif when I show off “City 1” and “City 2”. Both are crude drawings of downtowns. I personally do not like either of them however that is part of the process.
A big part of this work was being nice to myself, understanding that something is better left underworked, and a good introduction to character working. I find that often I am too hard on myself for art especially, so a goal of mine for this canvas was to not get mad at myself. When I pained this it was 6pm on a weeknight, I had a speaker and a friend of mine had joined me for the session. I remember being happy when I pained this and when I look at this work I do not see it’s flaws but the emotion behind it.
I had a stag beetle come up to me the other day and ask me for a ladder.
I Have These Crazy Dreams Where Everything Becomes So OverWhelMing. It starts off with just a simple room im in…. (picture a piece of graphing paper but a big large room.) then suddenly behind me a HUGE structure, usually a tower or a single-coloured block appears behind me. Then my brain adjusts to the scale of how massive it is in front of me alone and I start to
panic panic panic
THEN as if everything with the first shape wasnt enough a much larger shape or structure is found behind me again, this time making the first original structure somewhat obsolete to my horror. this cycle continues until i am just a speck and the shapes are the sizes of suns. sometimes everything explodes. sometimes i get crushed by a tower. most of the time i just wake up sweating.
The other day a stage beetle came up to me and said “do you have a ladder”
I want to own those blocks and towers and keep them in my mind because they remind me that i am not allowed to escape.
When i am awake there is little need for shapes, much is overwhelming.
Work and school are hard yes but they arent sufferable the way most of my whelming stuff goes. These are tasks if anything. and they are of the same line that a math problem is. “essay due” “do essay” “essay done!” wow. what could be overwhelming about that? I want to worry about stuff that I deeply care about. My life my love my people my colour. I am so overwhelmed when I am not there. i am so overwhelmed when I walk everywhere and there is no colour to be found. I want to be calm and notice everything. I want to be everywhere extinguishing fires and i want to close the sky so the earth can warm my folk. and in the best most honest way, I want to suffer and i want to suffer and i want to suffer. Because if I suffer then I can keep going. so when i wake up i will happily suffer and when i go to sleep i will happily suffer as well. I yearn for the day i can be everywhere for everything but taht is always impossible. I cant skip the hard parts but i can ignore the good ones. I wont quit my day job.
and i said “they dont make ladders for beetles…”
Yesterday my friend Ben and I worked in the back of a kitchen. We were understaffed and it was very hard. By the end of it my lips were chapped and my fingers were all wrinkly from water and oil and chicken.
I still had to study for my midterm in 8 hours.
I went home so fast and showered so fast and then studied on my bed.
I don’t feel I have time to cherish the people in my life properly. I am so busy all of the time and I cannot deviate.
I made a grocery list and there was fruit and veggies and bread and milk and stuff on it. When I got home I ate all of it and did it again. Every time I complete this cycle I feel excellent and like a positive contributing factor to our wonderful world<3
So now I decided to listen to my favourite song and scrub. I connected my bluetooth speaker and my Apple phone and opened up my streaming service and played my favourite song and srubbed.
I listened and listened and cried and danced and listened and listened again. I looked up the lyrics so I could listen when I didn’t have my Apple phone or Bluetooth speaker. And I listened again today a few times and later after this I will listen again.
The name of my song is great I think its the perfect.
I wish I could attend that underpass in 2002 when they played my favourite song live. Do you think that someone knew that their song would be someones favourite song? Why did it take so long to find this song… 23 years wowowowo. I actually think I’d probably be longer than that because they’d have to write it and stuff before performing it under that pass in 2002.
When they were writing that song do you think it was their favourite song?
I hope so. Because it is my favourite song <3
I went to the store yesterday and I was shopping for my things.
And while I did it I listened to my favourite song
I listened so hard my veggies started to rot and I had to do it all over again.
